The cure for worry is not as difficult as you might think, but it does take some practice. As I have already mentioned, if we’re talking about insomnia, worrying isn’t really the problem. It’s WHEN we worry that’s the problem.
Worrying at night when you’re in bed trying to get some restorative sleep is simply not desirable. That is what we want to change first: the TIME and the PLACE when and where you do your worrying.
As a nighttime worrier, you have fallen into the habit of using your sleeping time to think about your problems rather than daytime hours when you can actually do something productive about it.
Cure for Worry – Step One – Be Firm
The first step in the cure for worry is to tell yourself on a consistent daily basis that you are about to shift your worry time from night to day, and to take some deliberate action to do just this.
You must tell your brain that it’s fine to worry; you’re not expecting to change your worry habit completely. At least not right away, not this minute.
Eventually, you WILL be changing that too, with the permanent cure for worry; but your brain can only handle so much at one time.)
You only want to limit your worrying to a certain time and place during the day. You will tell your brain firmly that you intend to give yourself opportunities to worry, but that there are also certain times that you do not wish to worry.
You have “on” times and “off” times. This is the first step.
Cure for Worry – Step Two – Make Appointments
The next step is to keep an appointment book especially for the purpose of setting a time and place to worry during the day.
You will keep this appointment book at your bedside, and when you begin to worry at night, as you will do from habit, here’s what you will do:
- Turn on the light
- Get out your appointment book and a pen
- Write in a time and place to worry about the subject you’re worrying about in bed
- Turn off the light
- Tell your brain firmly that you will worry at the specific time you set
For example, “2:15 tomorrow or 3:10 on Wednesday” during your 15-minute break at work at your desk or between classes in the student center… or in your car before you pick your kids up from school.
Each time you begin to worry again (and you will, at first, keep forgetting and will start worrying again from habit), you will tell yourself: “I will worry about this tomorrow at 2:45. I will give it all my attention. I don’t have to worry right now, because I’ll take care of it then. Right now, I’m just going to forget about this.”
Cure for Worry – Step Three – Repeat, Repeat, Repeat…
Repetition will be necessary. Continue this exercise until as long as it takes! Expect it to take a while.
As we have mentioned before, do NOT put pressure on yourself that you “must get some sleep” or tell yourself to “try to get some sleep” or say anything about sleep at all.
Just tell yourself, “I will worry about this tomorrow (or on Tuesday or whatever) at 10:45 AM (or whenever). I won’t think about it now, because it just isn’t productive. Instead, I can just relax or think about something else.”
Cure for Worry – Step Four – Follow Through
The nighttime cure for worry demands follow-through, or else your brain will know that you’re just bluffing and won’t take your words seriously.
So during your time set aside, in the place you have selected, close the door or go somewhere quiet, like in your car, and worry about the problem you specified for as long as you said you would.
It will help you if you right down your worrying thoughts on paper. If you like, you can draw pictures and doodle while you worry.
Preliminary Steps in the Ultimate Cure for Worry
- Write down the problem and all of its consequences.
- Write down how you feel about the problem.
- Write down random thoughts you have about it.
- Do not feel like you must solve this problem during this 15 or 30 minute worry session. That’s not your objective quite yet. For the first week or several weeks, just worry and think and mull over this problem and how it’s affecting your life.
When your time is up, put everything aside, and go about your business.
I used to stay up hours at night worrying about the future or regretting lost opportunities. After a few months of practice, this tendency just disappeared. Of course, I also learned how to think about my problems more productively so I could actually come up with solutions. But that needs a whole different article… so don’t worry, the permanent cure for worry is coming next.