The best remedy for insomnia is just as paradoxical as insomnia itself.
Throughout this Insomnia Self Help Tutorial and the entire website, I have repeated many times the phrase “insomnia is a paradox.” And you’re probably thoroughly sick of hearing that over and over again.
So here’s my promise…. As soon as your insomnia is cured, I’ll stop saying it.
And why? Because the best remedy for insomnia lives inside that annoying little phrase.
Let’s look into it deeper, just one more time…
I know you’re looking for an instant remedy for insomnia – a magic bullet that puts you to sleep as quickly and as effortlessly as you used to be able to do by yourself.
But now I’m telling you that the real magic bullet is letting go of all your wishes, desires, worries, and obsessions… about sleep.
And the reason is simple. Insomnia is a paradox, and the more you want sleep — desire it, worry about it and obsess about it — the further out of reach it becomes.
Why searching frantically for THE cure to insomnia doesn’t work very well….
It is very typical of all human beings to feel that if they want something, they must go all out and do everything they possibly can to get it.
And in many cases this is true. If you wanted, for example, to pick fresh blueberries straight off the vine, you know that have to get into your car, drive to the countryside (perhaps to the local U-Pick blueberry farm), bring some buckets, and start picking. Then after you get all the berries you want, you get back into your car and drive home.
And it’s true in so many other examples. Possibly everything you ever accomplished or obtained in your life… your career, your relationships, your home, your possessions… were all obtained through purposeful effort. You went out and you did certain things to get them.
If you wanted a college degree, you didn’t just lie in bed and say, “well, I really don’t care if I get a degree or not, so I’ll just sit back and relax and see what happens.”
That’s why I have to say it so often. Insomnia isn’t like this. It is a paradox. It doesn’t go away when you try harder to make it go away. Instead, it gets worse. The worst remedy for insomnia is trying too hard.
Another Paradox…
Worry is also a paradox, which is why it so often goes hand in hand with insomnia. Worry and anxiety don’t disappear when you scold yourself over and over again “Stop this worrying right now!” Just like sleep doesn’t come when you say “Sleep now or else!”
How to Find the Best Remedy for Insomnia…
In the previous 9 or so days, I’ve given you some techniques to work on that I used myself to get rid of chronic insomnia. These aren’t techniques I just pulled out of a hat, of course. I researched, studied, read books, and experimented on myself.
These are all techniques recommended by sleep doctors, sleep centers, therapists and so on, with my own added twists and maybe twisted humor, which hopefully you don’t mind too much.
I encourage you to work on these techniques daily. I recommend making them a part of your daily schedule, and keeping them up even when you’re rushed for time or don’t feel like doing them. All combined, they ARE your best remedy for insomnia.
Of course it’s your desire for better sleep that’s driving you and motivating you to even read this tutorial and this website. Whatever techniques you decide to practice in your daily schedule, it’s your wish to find an effective remedy for insomnia that’s motivating you to put the effort in.
At the same time, I have to remind you to let go of wanting to sleep. I have to tell you that strangely enough, you have to virtually not care if you sleep tonight or not.
It’s all part of the paradox.
How to Not Care?
So how exactly DO you go to bed at night (or whenever you turn in) not caring if you sleep or not? I’ll admit, it’s tricky. Here are some tips that I used that worked pretty well.
- I made my bed a comfortable, relaxing place.
I began to look upon it as a safe haven. That way, it was rewarding to just lie down. Sleep wasn’t necessary to have this pleasant feeling. I could “escape” just by getting under the covers. - I used visualization to reinforce this feeling of escape and safety.
See the visualization exercise article for more details. The type of visualization described there can be a great way to occupy your mind when you can’t sleep. - I decided to not care if I felt tired the next day.
I didn’t give up on finding a remedy for insomnia, but I gave in. I surrendered to fatigue, irritability and mental fogginess. I did the best I could, but decided “this was my reality, and I’m going to be OK with it for as long as I have to be.”
I decided to quit worrying about the effects of sleep deprivation. It was just a simple decision. - I used CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) methods to engage the active, rational part of my brain so it would have something to do rather than torment me with worries, replays of my day, and other annoying thoughts.
For some reason, writing my thoughts down and categorizing them, then responding to them with more reasonable, rational versions became more like a game than therapy. - I used night time to accomplish some of the boring, unappealing tasks that I didn’t want to do during the day.
So a sleepless night was a good way to get some dull stuff out of the way that had to be done. Pay attention to this double-sided rule: 1) never do anything fun when you can’t sleep but 2) always do something productive.
Not fun… Boring… Productive… Dull… Mindless… Wouldn’t you rather just lie in bed where it’s nice and comfortable? (Sometimes the best remedy for insomnia is some subtle reverse psychology)
Eventually, not caring paid off.
One day I was writing in my CBT journal, going on and on about how sleep was nice but not a necessity at this time, and I could very well survive with very little sleep, after all, others had done it and survived, and I kept scribbling on and on with rational, reasonable answers to my thoughts about insomnia.
Suddenly, I could barely see the page in the notebook I was writing in. I decided that I would just lie down “for a minute” until this feeling of drowsiness went away.
It was actually about 2:00 in the afternoon on a Saturday, and I didn’t want to take a nap because my sleep schedule and sleep hygiene program might be disrupted.
But just one minute wouldn’t hurt, I thought. After all, I’d only slept a couple of hours the previous night, so one minute couldn’t possibly hurt, just a quick lie-down…..
And four hours later, I woke up in the dark, wondering where I was, what time it was, what day it was, experiencing the typical confusion and disorientation that comes from a very long nap when you are completely exhausted.
But it was the most sleep I’d gotten in one solid stretch, in about four months.
That nap was not the magic bullet, but it was definitely marked a turning point in my search for the all-elusive remedy for insomnia.
The turning point was a shift in thinking.
It was subtle, and I can’t pinpoint what exactly triggered this shift, but it happened. I had reached a point of not caring if I slept, and I ended up sleeping four straight hours.
I know this thinking shift can happen to you too, if you put in the time and effort to work on your insomnia without caring if it works or not.
It’s similar to all the experiences you have had when you tried to think, think, think your way to a solution or a difficult word that seems so out of reach… and then it pops effortlessly into your mind when you’re taking out the trash.
One day, very soon, it will happen to you. And you’ll be on your way to being insomnia-free for good!
Until that shift takes place, here’s the bright side. All the techniques and changes you work on to cure your insomnia are valuable life skills that will serve you well for the rest of your life.